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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713558">My Psychopharmacologist and I</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducting/pseuds/deducting'>deducting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>gotham but its musical theater songs i assosciate with specific characters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gotham (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Mental Health Issues, Musical References, Songfic, adaption, tw?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:21:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducting/pseuds/deducting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They say love is blind...</p><p>But believe me, love is insane</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lucius Fox &amp; Edward Nygma, Lucius Fox/Edward Nygma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>gotham but its musical theater songs i assosciate with specific characters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>My Psychopharmacologist and I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey! long time no see, got a random burst of energy and my writers block is slightly lifted. In this fic some of the lyrics from the song I have used as dialouge and tried to translate onto here to the best of my ability. I highly sugguest listening to the song and musical as it reminds me of Lucius and Edwards relationship. </p><p>based on the song Whos Crazy/My Psychopharmacologist and I from the musical 'Next to Normal'. </p><p>may turn this into a series thats essentially just songfics featuring gothams favorite dsyfunctional couple.<br/>this fic is mainly me showin (or trying to show) ed and lucius' struggle and show the more ugly side of their relationship that i feel some people gloss over, like what may really happen if they actually got together. </p><p>some adjustments have been made to the song lyrics (obviously but minor adjustments)</p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucius drove to the clinic in the narrows. He inhaled, looking over at Edward.</p><p> </p><p>"Ready?" he asked the other man gently, holding Edwards hand in his own. Edward didn't say a word, just nodded.</p><p> </p><p>Lucius sighed,"I'll be waiting out here okay?"</p><p> </p><p>More silence.</p><p> </p><p>Lucius leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on Edwards lips, he moved forward slightly to kiss Lucius back.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you Lucius." Edward said before exiting the car promptly, entering the small dingy building to Dr.Leslie Thompkins clinic.</p><p> </p><p>Lucius watched him, eventually sighing out of exasperation and resting his head on the steering wheel. He rubbed his eyes, leaning back and allowing his thoughts to consume him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Who's crazy to live their whole life </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Believing that somehow things aren't as bizarre as they are? </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Who's crazy, the one who can't cope? </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Or maybe, the one who'll still hope? </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> The one who sees doctors or the one who just waits in the car? </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> And I was a wild twenty-five </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> And I loved a man so alive </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> But now I believe I would settle for one who can drive </em> </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Edward Nygma sat in a cushiony chair in Dr.Thompkins office, listening to her chatter on about his various medications and when to take them. </p><p> </p><p>"...The round blue ones with food, but not with the oblong white ones. The white ones with the round yellow ones, but not the trapezoidal green ones. Split the green ones into thirds with a tiny chisel, use a mortar and pestle to grind..." </p><p> </p><p>Edward began to let his mind wander about his psychopharmacologist, not really paying attention to anything Leslie was saying and only snapping in and out of his brain occasionally to say "mmhm" to let her know he was still mildly there. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em> My psychopharmacologist and I </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> It's like an odd romance: </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Intense and very intimate </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> We do our dance </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> My psychopharmacologist and I </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Call it a lover's game </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> She knows my deepest secrets </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> I know her name </em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em> And though she'll never hold me </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> She'll always take my calls </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> It's truly like she told me </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Without a little lift, the ballerina falls</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>In the corner of his eyes he could see the hallucination humming along a tune to his thoughts. He shook him off, trying to focus on Dr.Thompkins words. But the entity persisted humming along.</p>
<hr/><p>Dr.Thompkins sighed, taking out her voice recorder to record her findings with Edward. </p><p> </p><p>"Nygma, Edward Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes and schizophrenic tendencies. Sixteen year history of medication. Adjustment after one week."</p><p> </p><p>Edward sighed, rubbing his temples. "I've got less anxiety but I have headaches, blurry vision, and I can't feel my toes." He explained </p><p> </p><p>Dr.Thompkins nodded, scribbling down something in her notebook,"So we'll try again, and eventually, we'll get it right "</p><p> </p><p>Edward chuckled at her comment, "Not a very exact science, is it?" </p><p> </p><p>Dr.Thompkins offered a small smile that seemed just mildly detached,"Not really".</p>
<hr/><p>Edward sat at his desk later on that night attempting to focus on work that was extremely overdue. Lucius was asleep in their bedroom, Edward really ought to join him. But he couldn't get the workload off his brain and continued working on case files throughout the night. However it was extremely difficult to concentrate when <em>he </em>was digging through the medicine cabinet. </p><p> </p><p>"Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanax, Depakote, Klonopin, Ambien, Prozac. Ativan calms me when I see the bills.These are a few of my favorite pills." The hallucination said in a sing-songy tone. Edward let out a huff of frustration and turned in his chair.</p><p> </p><p>"Would you be quiet?! I'm trying to work and Lucius is trying to sleep!"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh your poor little Lucius is trying to rest. Poor him." He mocked, rolling his eyes. "You tire him day in and day out, no wonder he knocks out every time you both come home."</p><p> </p><p>"That isn't true!"</p><p> </p><p>"Have you seen how bored he is?! He is tired, tired of babysitting you! You never give him a break!" The hallucination sneered, coming closer to him. "He doesn't need you around anymore, you bore him. Probably why he won't even have sex with you anymore. You were a good fuck that got too attached."</p><p> </p><p>"That is not true!" Edward exploded, coming face to face with the entity. "If Lucius was tired of me and didn't want me anymore he would have left me. He does not use me for sex!"</p><p> </p><p>"Then what does he use you for?" </p><p> </p><p>Edward paused, confused at the question. He swallowed, his face falling. </p><p> </p><p>Lucius entered the room hesitantly, "Edward...Ed..Edward.." He called out, seeing Edwards head snap up.His face blank though a single tear slid down his face.</p><p> </p><p>"Edward..whats wrong..?"</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing."</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p> </p><p>"No."</p><p> </p><p>"Edward please -"</p><p> </p><p>"I'd rather not talk about it."</p><p> </p><p>Lucius sighed in defeat, "Please..come to bed."</p><p> </p><p>"But my work-"</p><p> </p><p>"Ed.."</p><p> </p><p>"Its overdue-"</p><p> </p><p>"Edward-"</p><p> </p><p>"I have to finish this before-"</p><p> </p><p>"Edward." Lucius said firmly, Edward snapped out of his trance and looked over at the other man. "You've been working since we got home. I worry bout you. Please...just come to bed.." Lucius tilted Edwards head up so he could look at the younger man."Please?"</p><p> </p><p>Edward sighed, looking at his desk before looking at Lucius. "Okay."</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you." Lucius kissed the mans forehead and wrapped an arm around him, leading him to the bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>"I love you." Lucius said as he climbed into bed, looking over to hear Edwards response. </p><p> </p><p>But there was only the sound of silence as Edward climbed into the bed and closed his eyes. Lucius swallowed, laying on his back and looking up at the ceiling as he waited for sleep to wash over him.</p>
<hr/><p>Edward sat in the office, looking over at the sickly pale green walls as he waited for Lee to bring him his medication. He smiled when he saw her and looked at the perscription bottle. He chuckled,"Ooh, thank you, doctor, Valium is my favorite color. How'd you know?"</p><p> </p><p>Dr.Thompkins ignored his comment, taking out her tape recorder. "Nygma, Edward: Second adjustment after three weeks. Delusions less frequent, but depressive state worse."</p><p> </p><p>Edward sighed,"I'm nauseous and I'm constipated, completely lost my appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is just not fair." </p><p> </p><p><em>He</em> took the bottle from Edwards hands and began reading it aloud,</p><p>"May cause the following side effects, one or more:</p><p>Dizziness, drowsiness, sexual dysfunction..."</p><p> </p><p>Then Edward began reading aloud, along with Dr.Thompkins, and <em>him</em> </p><p>"Headaches and Diarrhea</p><p>Tremors and Constipation</p><p>Nightmares and Nervous laughter</p><p>Seizures Palpitations Anxiousness, anger,</p><p>exhaustion, insomnia, irritability,</p><p>nausea, vomiting..."</p><p> </p><p>Edward raised his brows reading the next side affect,"Odd and alarming sexual feelings."</p><p> </p><p><em>He </em>couldn't help but laugh at the blackbox warning, leaning over and yelling in Edwards ear. "Oh, and one last thing!"</p><p> </p><p>"Use may be fatal" Dr. Thompkins read out the black box warning, looking up and seeing Edwards face become blank. He simply got up and walked to the car, listening to <em>him </em>repeat the message over and over.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Use may be fatal</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucius looked at the pill bottle when they got home, frowning when he read the black box warning. "Use may be fatal."</p>
<hr/><p>Dr.Thompkins took out her tape recorder,"Nygma, Edward: Third adjustment after five weeks. Reports continued mild anxiety and some lingering depression. "</p><p> </p><p>Edward groaned, "I now can't feel my fingers or my toes. I sweat profusely for no reason. Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for sex. Although, whether that's the medicine or the marriage is anybody's guess."</p><p> </p><p>Dr.Thompkins simply just gave him a pitiful smile,"I'm sure it's the medicine."</p><p> </p><p>Edward looked up and chuckled," Oh, thank you, that's very sweet," He paused, looking out the window"but my husband's waiting in the car."</p>
<hr/><p>Lucius sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel as he waited for Edward to finish his appointment. He began to wonder if he himself should start seeing a therapist or something of the like. He looked over at the door, sighing. He missed Edward, even though Edward was here with him he still missed the man he fell in love with. He knew things would shift as time progressed naturally but it had been twenty years and it felt like it had been forty. Now things would never be the same. </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Who's crazy, the one who's half gone?</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Or maybe the one who holds on?</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Remembering when he was twenty and brilliant and bold</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>And I was so young, and so dumb</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>And now I am old</em> </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Lucius sat down in the parlor area, looking at old framed photos of the two men. Their wedding, birthdays, special trips..smiles so genuine and happy. Lucius looked over into the kitchen to see Edward baking his little heart away and humming along to the record he had on. Lucius looked back down at the photo strip in his hands. Their first date, a night at the carnival. Lucius sighed, wishing desperately that he could relive that night. The smells of cotton candy and kettlecorn and bright neon lights. But he knew with how things were now, it would be quite difficult. How easy is it for a career criminal and a business executive to go out to a carnival casually nowadays?</p><p>
  <strong>And he was wicked and wired</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The sex was simply inspired</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Now there's no sex, he's depressed</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And me, I'm just tired, tired, tired, tired</strong>
</p><p>Edward hummed, working on scoring his bread perfectly. He couldn't help but feel extremely grateful for all the help Leslie had given him. He smiled, thinking of her gleefully. He always looked forward to their sessions. He wouldnt call it a romantic attraction, his heart was with Lucius. He smiled as he placed the bread in the oven, humming along perfectly in sync with <em>him</em>. </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And though she'll never hold me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> She'll always take my calls</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>It's truly like she told me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Without a lift, the ballerina falls</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Lucius looked over at Edward again, placing the photo down. He rested his chin against the other mans shoulder and turned his head, pressing a gentle kiss against the other mans cheek. "Are you alright,Ed?" Lucius asked.</p><p>Edward jumped out of his trance when he felt Lucius press lips against his cheek. He simply nodded.</p><p>"Right as rain."</p><p>Lucius' brow furrowed at the expression, he shifted and leaned against the counter so he could get a better look at Edwards face. He gently touched the other mans chin and tilted his head up so he could get a better look. </p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Positive?"</p><p>"I'd like to be left alone now, please." Edward said harshly, shoving Lucius off of him and moving to the sink. </p><p>Lucius' smile faltered slightly. The sudden shift in Edwards tone caught him off guard. He moved away from the counter and walked off to the study without a word. </p><p>
  <strong>Who's crazy, the one who's uncured?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or maybe the one who's implored?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The one who has treatment </strong>
  <strong>Or the one who just deals with the pain? </strong>
</p><p>Edward continued humming as he took the bread out of the oven a few moments later, continuing to daydream about him and Leslie Thompkins' sessions. Maybe he was a little too harsh on Lucius? No. Never! Lucius looked perfectly fine, besides they could always deal with it later.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>My psychopharmacologist and I... </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> Together side by side </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> Without her I'd die </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> My psychopharmacologist and I...</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Lucius laid in bed later that night looking up at the ceiling. Edward was sat upright reading a book. Edward looked over at him a few times before leaning over and kissing Lucius' forehead. </p><p>"I'm sorry if I seemed harsh earlier."</p><p>Lucius remained silent for a moment before responding,"Its fine."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Whats wrong?"</p><p>Lucius sighed, rubbing his eyes before starting. " You dont seem like yourself. You're much more aloft than normal. And in the kitchen earlier the look on your face..I could tell you were thinking of someone else."</p><p>Eds jaw nearly dropped, he furrowed his brows. "Lucius...Lu what would lead you to believe such a thing?"<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"I know that look, I've seen it before. You haven't been actively pursuing what you want but you think about them a lot." Lucius sat up, looking over at Edward,"Am I correct?"</p><p>Edward chewed on his bottom lip, tears welling in his eyes. He shook his head furiously,"No. You're wrong. Why would you say such a thing?" Edward looked over at Lucius, hurt. Lucius swallowed.</p><p>"Edward I didn't mean to hurt you-"</p><p>"Yes you did! You knew exactly what you were doing! You're trying to catch me in a lie, and I'm not letting you have it!" He snapped, shutting his book and getting out of the bed. </p><p>"You can sleep by yourself tonight. Goodnight Lucius." He said, grabbing his pillow and promptly leaving the bedroom. He shut the door behind him leaving Lucius in an empty bed once more. Lucius swallowed, shutting off the light and feeling the guilt set in. He leaned back against the pillow, a tear falling down his cheek before he closed his eyes and forced himself to go to bed. He dreamed of how easy it was before, of how simple things once were. Now it will never be the same. </p><p>
  <strong>They say love is blind...</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But believe me, love is insane</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Dr. Thompkins sighed to herself, pulling out her tape recorder. </p><p>"Nygma, Edward: Seven weeks"</p><p> </p><p>Edward rubbed his eyes in frustration, frowning before looking over at her. </p><p>"I don't feel like myself," He said,"I mean, I don't feel anything."</p><p> </p><p>Dr.Thompkins nodded, eyebrows raising. </p><p>"Hm. Patient stable." </p>
<hr/><p>Fin</p>
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